Our Moto2 Team Might Actually Happen

A couple of days ago, we investigated the feasibility of starting our own TwitGP Moto2 team. Even though it was all a bit of a lark, it soon became apparent that our followers thought it was an amazing idea to chip in and fund the team on a collective basis. In fact, some very well-heeled followers really believed in the spirit of the project and were keen to stump up several pieces of cash to REALLY MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

TwitGP Racing: YOUR Moto2 team

How much does it cost to run a Moto2 team? Using the power of division, TwitGP's Mathematics Department worked it out to be €70.

Each.

Assuming there are 8,500 of you.

Which there are. So let's continue.

Those MotoGP Confessions in Full...

Even though the paint was barely dry, TwitGP flung open the doors of its newly built CONFESSION BOX tonight and welcomed followers to OWN UP to all their motorcycle-related embarrassments, mistakes and howlers that have plagued the mind and prevented sound sleep.

We were looking neither to condemn nor jeer – instead this was a cathartic exercise designed to exorcise demons.

In truth, we hoped all hopes that the TwitGP followers would have very little to say on this matter, given their expert and knowledgeable standing.

They had other ideas. 

Goodie Grand Prix - Race Report

There's only ONE story worth reporting on in MotoGP at the moment - and that's the high jinks and hilarity surrounding @alex__briggs, the failed bus mechanic who now chews gum in Valentino Rossi's box, and his Twitter-based Goodie Grand Prix.

While the rest of the motorcycle press snoozes, they, er, loses, as it's TwitGP that has pieced the facts together to bring YOU the GoodieGP race report. Who cares about confirming if Dovi is going to Gresini? That's a waste of journalistic effort. THIS is what matters. Read on.

"I love you" - Rossi's goodbye note

How cool is this? Valentino's handwritten goodbye letter to Yamaha - and translation below. Dare you to read it and not well up...

Bye bye Valentino - the official team press release

We're not in the habit of copy and pasting...but just this once:

YAMAHA AND VALENTINO TO PART COMPANY AT END OF 2010

Yamaha Motor Co., Ltd. would like to announce that the partnership between Valentino Rossi and Yamaha will come to an end at the close of the season, when Valentino will move on to new challenges.

Yamaha and Valentino have enjoyed seven fantastic seasons of racing, during which time they have won four MotoGP World Championships together.

Valentino has played a huge part in the history of Yamaha and he will always remain an important part of Yamaha's heritage. Yamaha is extremely grateful for Valentino's contributions to its racing successes over the past seven years and it would like to wish him the very best in his future racing endeavours.

Yamaha will be putting all its efforts into ensuring a successful and happy end to the partnership over the remaining races.


Lin Jarvis, Managing Director of Yamaha Motor Racing, said "On behalf of the Yamaha Motor Group, I would like to express our sincere gratitude for the amazing seven years that we have spent together. Valentino joined Yamaha in 2004 at a moment when Yamaha was struggling in road racing after eleven seasons without a championship victory. Valentino's victory at his first GP race for Yamaha in South Africa in 2004 was an incredible moment and was just the first of many more race wins that have thrilled MotoGP fans and Yamaha fans around the world. His unsurpassed skills as a racer and a development rider enabled him to win four MotoGP world titles to date with us and helped Yamaha develop the YZR-M1 into the ‘the bike of reference' for the MotoGP class.

"There have been so many wonderful experiences and victories and we are very proud to have been able to make history together. Whilst we regret Vale's decision to move on, at the same time we fully respect his decision to search for a new challenge and we wish him the very best for 2011 and beyond.

"For the remaining eight races of 2010 Valentino will remain a Yamaha Factory rider. As such he will continue to benefit from our full support and we hope and expect to see some more race wins with him ‘in blue' before the season is over!"

Rossi Ducati Bla Bla - the Ducati website cock-up

TwitGP has had great fun today making up spoof announcements about Valentino Rossi signing for Ducati. Little did we know Ducati themselves would trump us by constructing a far funnier web page, with the simple text "bla bla", and release it three hours before they were allowed: 

Rossi Confirms Ducati Switch

We are indebted to Valentino for confirming that this is indeed a Ducati switch.

All You Need To Know About Elena Myers (Who???)

Did you hear this business about the Suzuki team offering a ride on their MotoGP bike to Elena Myers...who is 16 YEARS OLD...and wait for it...A GIRL?

This is what she looks like when she's blipping the throttle of a GSV-R in front of a not entirely convinced mechanic:

John Hopkins - Nothing But the Tooth

Imagine how funny it would be if the website belonging to shiny-toothed John Hopkins, a man whose mouth is home to not so much a Hollywood smile but a 1/10th scale model of the White Cliffs of Dover, carried adverts for cosmetic dental surgery.

Well imagine no more:

V Rossi, Bologna - not known at this address

Continuing our new game of acting like a REAL journalist (we got a reply from LCR Honda the other day, do keep up), here's a round-up of the day's exciting Rossi-going-to-Ducati events, which are becoming increasingly like an old French farce, and hence are fun to record for posterity:

Randy de Puniet is OK

TwitGP thought it was a shame that everyone had forgotten silken-chested Randy de Puniet broke his leg at the German GP, after Mika Kallio mistook an outstretched shin for a piece of track.

A fair few TwitGP followers had been asking us about his welfare so we used all the power at our disposal to write an email. Look, here's a picture of it:

Yes! I’ve Met a MotoGP Rider, and Guess What...

When TwitGP asked its followers “have you ever met a MotoGP rider in REAL LIFE?”, we figured we'd get just a handful of responses. After all, we're talking about an exclusive band of riders, operating in a rarefied world, who only leave the rear bedroom of their motorhome in exceptional circumstances. Statistically, according to TwitGP's Department of Statistics, you're more likely to bump into someone who's NOT a MotoGP rider.

But oh, how our followers proved us wrong.

Freestyle Motocross Heroism

No MotoGP content here, but if you're into bikes and skilful riding you'll still get a kick out of this carefully selected vid from this year's X Games hype-fest. Treat it as, er, a treat, which will help while away the hours until the next grand prix.

Useful pre-amble:

Cam Sinclair 101 - crash lands double backflip in 2009 and is left fighting for his life; somehow gets better; tries double backflip again; crowd go wild. Respect.


(PS ignore the boring advert at the start.)

Karel Abraham Has Something Else Bought For Him

Karel Abraham, who is richer than you, is set to buy his perennially non-achieving Moto2 rider of a son, Karel Jr, a space station.

Laguna's Corkscrew Files Complaint About Press Intrusion

The most famous loopy twisty downhilly corner on the MotoGP calendar, The Corkscrew, has officially complained about the constant press intrusion it had to endure at this year's US Grand Prix.

#mysuzukaname

Well, there’s no doubt that choosing a team name for the Suzuka 8 Hours race is the BEST GAME EVER.


Our mathematics department hammered and chiselled away all night coming up with the perfect naming formula, which was:

Suzuka 8 Hour Name = 1 word description of yourself + favourite zoo animal + Madonna song title, then add Team or Racing as you see fit.

As usual, TwitGP’s brilliant followers leapt on yet another opportunity to be childish, and every singly entry cracked us up. To that end, we’ll reproduce all(ish) the names later in this entry. We never intended to do that but the quality is so high they deserve to be recorded for posterity. You properly, properly amaze us.

Before that, please raise a glass to our Top 6 (tried to do a Top 5 but you know how it is sometimes):

@amit_mandalia Team Fun Monkey Like A Virgin

@Orinocho Wombling Snake Ray of Light Racing

@anthony23cotton Overweight Elephant Holiday Racing

@GezIOM Team Shifty Meerkat Fever

@LJTay Team Busty Leopard Dress You Up Racing

@dave__46 Frustrated Wombat Papa Don't Preach Racing

Safe to say that’s the first time in history anyone has ever typed “frustrated wombat papa don’t preach” in that order.

Here are some of the other splendid entries, sorry if we missed you, it got a bit overwhelming from time to time. Our comments in brackets:

@ellen_briggs Starving Monkey Erotica Team

@willathewhippet Voluptuous Viper Vogue Racing (Alliteration Award)

@tiff_tv Stiff rhino erotica Racing (CELEBRITY ENTRY!)

@dave__46 Dave Zebra Ray of Light Racing

@fissijo nutty giraffe borderline racing

@bikesportnews Random Okapi Erotica Racing

@Timcookson63 Team orgasmic octopus push racing

@DJMissfrenchie Team bubbly gorilla cyber raga racing (this sounds real)

@timlane76 Team mischievous Tiger Little Star Racing (so does this)

@Pitbabe46 Pitbabe Gorilla Erotica Racing Team

@bicrider Frisky Tiger Crazy For You Racing (basically a chat up line)

@elbowchris Ginger Emu Vogue Racing Team

@captain_hilary Team ditzy white tiger crazy for you

@mum_zee Forgetful tigers amazing team

@Schneekoenigin Hubris Lynx Borderline Racing

@beanengineering Team Happy Penguin Like a Virgin Racing

@mel_46 loyal panda hanky panky racing (the best sort of hany panky)

@dougsymon Team Easy Monkey Frozen Team

@bonkiegray horny orangutan liquid love racing.

@Captain_Dory Team hard of hearing meerkat frozen

@paul_edwin Tall Capybara Ray of Light Racing

@Timcookson63 Team eclectic elephant love song

@amorinmenezes hungry polar bear it's fighting spirit team

@slimhaggar Team Sleepy Penguin Fever

@rhencullen Drunken Parrot Fever Racing

@Mojomarm Sleepy Lion Prayer Team Racing

@olliewoods Happy Elephant Music Racing (this sounds a nice team)

@jimnicebutdim Hairy Bear Holiday Racing (so does this)

@ewokmuncher Team Clumsy Monkey Lucky Star Racing

@madmoomin Cynical Giant Panda Like A Virgin Team (Panda, Virgin, how apt)

@tkcaba tolerant tiger crazy 4 U team

@flatin6th Team Loudmouth Penguin Erotica Racing

@McLaren_Fan Sarcastic Rhino Erotica Racing

@Grandeeeeeeee Joker Monkey Cherish Racing

@TweetiePeetie unlucky penguin frozen racing!

@annie170768 bubbly tiger angel racing

@GezIOM Lactating Penguin Liquid Love Racing (sounds dirty)

@JemsDreams Amused Tiger True Blue Racing

@Steevveen Tired Otter Express Yourself (more a command than a team name)

@thinkhugger Bemused Lemur Liquid Love Racing

@tillyannelace ticklish tiger fever racing

@SonniMoto Gangster Meerkat Rainbow Tour Racing

@PeterC46 Team hairy tigers forbidden love racing

@RacingLib271 Team Enduring Tiger Don't Stop Racing

@mayclem72 Mental Gorilla Holiday

@AmboClaire Mad Tiger Revenge Racing

@Kevski41 Team Tired Elephant Hanky Panky

@LOLRacing Amazing Fat Ape Racing

@solmwd team bodacious pig erotica racing

@jt5252 Big cock deeper and deeper racing team (ENOUGH!)

Of course, this exercise also doubled as a sinister personality audit. It’s very revealing that when given the opportunity to choose ANY way of describing your traits, the selection ranged from “tall” to “lactating”. One man simply chose the adjective “Dave”.

And when it came to choosing a Madonna song, “Erotica” won by a country mile. We do worry about you lot sometimes.

Anyway, you’ve all now been entered into the Suzuka 8 Hour Race 2011, and you’d better turn up or we’ll lose our deposit.

Haha! Look at the funny foreign names!

It has just occurred to us that MotoGP team names are dullsville. Consider the crushing corporate overtones of "Repsol Honda", or even the meaningless and wantonly French "Tech 3 Yamaha". Pah.

So hats off to the exotic efforts who took part in the Suzuka 8 Hour race last weekend. Did you SEE some of those names? No? Well fear not, we have kindly selected the top 10 right here for you. (And yes, we know this is a bit like The Boy Who Cried Wolf, but these are all legit and taken from the official, and very wide, entry list. Promise promise.)


10. Marvel at the gangster insect connotations of: TELURU HOMEY BEE Racing

9. Snigger like a school-child at: MOTO BUM and ISHIGAKI ISLAND UMINCHU

8. What's the trickiest type of dog-based animal to race against? That's right, it's the: TEAM FRONTIER CLEVER WOLF RACING TEAM (excellent use of the word "team" twice there)

7. What's not a very scary at all type of animal to race against? The: DOGFISH O-TEC SUZUKA RACING YIC

6. Want to sound like a clue from The Da Vinci Code? Simply call your team: PLOT FARO PANTHERA

5. Strike fear into the heart of your opponents by describing how you will ruin their hair: CONFIA H.M.F Like a wind

4. Strike fear into the heart of your opponents by brazenly advertising your day job: HITMAN TKm with SYULLA 

3. Who invited the DJ and Euro-dance act?: MITO MOTO & e'freaks

2. Take a deep breath, commentator-san: Bull Docker TAGOS x HALUMOTO SHOWHEI RIDE

1. And finally, our favourite. Even these guys like a bit of wanton Frenchnosity every now and again, but please, resist the snail's pace gags: Honda ESCARGOT

Meanwhile, over in Japan, bloggers are rolling on the floor laughing at how dishonourable "Yellow Pages Ducati" sounds.

TwitGP Awards and Thanks and Hugs

TwitGP was an amazing success because an extremely large amount of people were willing to have a bit of fun. It was an entirely collaborative process – we never knew how the TwitGP crowd were next going to influence the event's evolution and practically every hour we were surprised. As @RaveDave4623 quite rightly pointed out, “this is the best use of anything, ever”.

It's risky to single individuals out because we're so grateful for EVERYBODY'S encouragement – but @weeyin13, @DJMissfrenchie and @suzannehutton were early adopters who got into the spirit of things and helped spread the word, a lot.

MCN Sport editor @guyprocter a) writes a bloody good mag, and b) was the first journalist to twig this could get big. His support from the word go brings a tear to our eye.

Actual MotoGP riders Jorge Lorenzo (@lorenzo99) and Nicky Hayden (@nickyhayden69) also deserve massive plaudits for taking us by surprise and sending funny tweets when we least expected it. To be honest, we REALLY REALLY love them for it, and hope they both come joint first in every MotoGP race from now on.

Now, there seem to be a few gold envelopes before @TwitGP – who feels an Award Ceremony coming on?

The “HE CAN PHOTOSHOP ANYTHING AWARD” goes to @madmark99, a fine fellow who we've never met but who got the TwitGP vibe perfectly.

The “WE CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID IT AWARD” goes to @tiff_tv, for designing the Twitegi which produced such a fantastic race. Are you taking notes, Hermann Tilke?

The “HOPE HIS BOSSES WEREN'T WATCHING AWARD” goes to @gemmett, who at one stage even tweeted race reports while manfully slaving over a barbeque.

The “HOUSEWIVE'S CHOICE” goes to @mattnroberts from the BBC. One day we may reveal the extraordinary scenario he found himself in while tweeting during Practice. PLEASE FOLLOW HIM NOW, he's tops. We mean it.

The "TWIT GP HONORARY DOCTORATE" goes to failed bus mechanic @alex__briggs, who despite living in a frightfully unhelpful timezone made the effort to get up in the middle of the night and take part in all the fun and games. His wit and wisdom are second to none. Oh, and he's also Valentino Rossi's ACTUAL spanner man. FOLLOW HIM NOW because he tweets from within 46's MotoGP inner circle, which frankly is an awesome thing.

Then, of course, are the two co-conspirators.

The “PUTTING MUSE INTO AMUSE AWARD” goes to Communications Director @TwitGPpr, who did more than you'll ever know and is the only thing that makes @TwitGP giggle every single day. Actually, make that every single hour.

And finally, the “BEST FRONT-GAL AN INTERNET PHENOMENON COULD WISH FOR AWARD” goes to @suziperry, whose knowledge & enthusiasm about all things bike racing and Twittery is unimpeachable. We owe you.

We're off to the Twit d'Azure for a bit, but we'll be back. Do stay tuned, we'll need you. Cheers.

TWITGP RACE - REPORT

SUPREME SCHWANTZ SNATCHES FIRST TWITGP WIN

American legend and all-round Good Bloke Kevin Schwantz won a superb inaugural TwitGP in Twitegi today, just holding off @lorenzo99, Valentino Rossi and @nickyhayden69 in a four-way battle to the last corner which left fans screaming at their computers.

5,885 followers packed into cyberspace for the historical event to see @suziperry, back doing what she does best, dashing around the twitgrid in bright sunshine as she introduced the front row of Doohan, Lorenzo and Hayden. @the_prodigy and @stereophonics took turns revving up the crowd and The Prodigy even performed an exclusive of their new single, Smack My Twitch Up.

The lights went out (not literally) and the faithful followers only had to wait seconds for the first incident as Doohan went flying off at tweet one, pretty much the only place he EVER crashed during his actual career. Not so deadpan now, Mick.

Up ahead Pedrosa had made his usual flying start menu, booting up faster than anyone else whilst Rossi was already up to 7^th from 10th, tweets flying in his Yamaha’s wake. Side by side with Bautista he braked heavily into turn 4, touching fairings with the Spaniard (who’s got some Bati fans, by the way) but emerging ahead. Surely one of the most impressive overtakes we’ve ever typed.

At this point Race Tweetdecktion announced a type-through penalty for Capirossi for a jump start. After the race the dejected Italian said “It was my fault, I was so excited I just clicked send before I meant to.” His misery was compounded as he was forced to watch Schwantz doing better on his Suzuki than he’s ever done.

Pedrosa was fading fast by now, like a tiny netbook with a disappointing battery life. Lorenzo had assumed the lead ahead of Hayden, Stoner and Spies when Spies sensationally pulled into Twitlane. TwitGP sent @mattnroberts scurrying off to find out what happened and with a twitophone under his nose the Texan Tweeter said “File/exit/sure I’m sure I will try new preferences for race two.” TwitGP left it to his mechanics to explain that this wasn’t @TwitWSBK…

Melandri meanwhile was doing no better on a Mac than he had on PC and was riding like he was on dial-up and it was Schwantz who was the man on the move, showing the kids that you don’t need tractionCTRL to ride fast. He was in 7^th by now, bike bucking and weaving under his flying fingers and the epitome of his famous code, “wait till you see God, then press enter.”

At this point Colin “Colin” Colin pulled over to catch the end of a big shiny gun auction on eBay and then Stoner crashed out for no apparent reason. Just like a computer, and just like him. Biaggi and Rossi chose this point take their eternal grudge match to new levels as the Emperor elbowed the Doctor out of the way at the uphill Gardner Esse, earning himself a black Twitflag in the process, which he completely ignored. As usual. Rossi stuck it by him and flicked the Twitter birdie at him – very smooth at 180 words-per-minute. Pedrosa crashed next and was unhurt but couldn’t find the ladder for his high chair, so had to retire.

Schwantz had been towed right up to Lorenzo and Hayden by Rossi and it was two great riders and two great tweeters leading the field into the penultimate lap. Sneaky Schwantz then changed fontz, making it very hard for the others to read his next move, which was a stunning pass past Rossi at Criville. His mousewheel inched onto the grass and his keyboard span sideways but he held it together, to the delight of the madly-tweeting crowd.

Into the last corner they were four abreast and the smart money was on Lorenzo who, as by far the most experienced Tweeter in the group, looked smooth as…butter (his words, not ours.) The Spaniard was ringing the keyboard’s neck but he tweeted wide and for a second it looked like Rossi would take all three in one move! Schwantz’s bike seemed to be trying to floor him, Rossi and Hayden were swapping Microsoft Paint and Lorenzo nearly wi-fisided. The crowd were on their feet as somehow it was Sliding Schwantz who got his nose in front over the line in surely one of the great sporting comebacks of all time!

Lorenzo hung on for second with Rossi third and Hayden fourth. What a race!

Commenting on his emotional victory Schwantz said “Gee, I don’t know how I did that! I didn’t even know what Twitter was until I got the call-up on Tuesday. I’m mighty glad I said yes though, what a race. Right up there with my best ever battles. It took me a bit of time to get used to all the new keys and what they did but today everything came together and I just felt I had Twitter on my side. Thanks to all the fans and TwitGP for a great week.”

ACTUAL Lorenzo, who has surely earned himself an army of new fans this week, said “No way to overtake Mr Brakingman Schwantz…Anyway I was lucky to finish 2^nd because I finished the battery just as I was crossing the line.” (He had to illegally piggy-back on a marshall’s broadband to get back to Twit-Ferme.)

Rossi remarked in the podium press conference “I am quite ‘appy about our performance. I like this TwitGP because it doesn’t start till 6pm and I don’t even have to get out of bed to race. I might even buy my own computer for next time. Ciao. Ciao ciao ciao. Ciao.”

Biaggi was unavailable for comment but the Honda Press Officer is looking several years older tonight than he was at the start of the week. A furious Doohan was heard saying “It’s all Rossi’s fault, I know he qualified 10^th to keep MY mechanics away from me on the grid.”

That’s it folks! What an amazing Virtual Race! Big thanks to @suziperry, @mattnroberts, @gemmett, @lorenzo99, @nickyhayden69, @TwitGPpr and, last but most definitely NOT LEAST, @TwitGP ‘themselves’!

TWITGP QUALIFYING - REPORT

DOOHAN DAZZLES IN TWITEGI QUALIFYING

Mick Doohan continued his earth-shattering form in Twitegi today, grabbing pole position for the first ever TwitGP. The resurgent Australian proved that, contrary to what Schumacher would have us believe, it is possible to retire and come back to the top when beating championship Tweeter Jorge Lorenzo into second, with Nicky Hayden third.

On a dark day in Twitegi @suziperry greeted the 5,500 followers and it was Spies, spray flying from his keyboard, who looked the most serious at the start as he hammered his Tech Twee bike around the stunning virtual track, with team-mate Colin "Colin" Edwards in hot pursuit. Then the usual sea of crazy yellow people waving like an oil-seed rape field in the wind greeted Rossi as he exited Twitlane, tugging his leathers as ever to give himself a bit more space around Little Valentino. They weren’t disappointed as the effervescent Italian tweeted straight into P1, leaving TwitGP deafened by a barrage of virtual airhorns.

Meanwhile Spies had run into engine trouble and stopped, a worrying time for his mechanics since only six search engines are allowed for the entire season. By now it was raining hard and it looked like the riders with early banker laps had made a good call. Slick surface specialist Schwantz was pushing on regardless through the rain, a generous Suzuki brolly dolly holding an umbrella over his keyboard, but a second later he slightly clicked the white line and went flying off at the downhill Criville section, emerging from the gravel trap covered in spam. At Dr Costa's coffee shop it later transpired he has aggravated an old wrist injury and is a doubt for tomorrow's race.

Suddenly the sun came out, a dry line appeared and the sticky mousemats went in, as the session went hurtling towards a thrilling climax. @Lorenzo99 stormed around the track and shunted his team-mate out of the top spot, setting an outright laptop record in the process. @NickyHayden69 then looked to be going one better but he ran into major problems downloading the last part of the lap and couldn’t quite catch Lorenzo.

TwitGP then ran into its first technical trauma as the timing screens went down just as Rossi was on a hot tweet, but housewife’s favourite @mattnroberts was on hand to fill us in as amazingly Rossi could only manage tenth, his Yamaha just lacking enough processor speed down the long Twit Straight to make it onto the front row. (Or the second or third rows, for that matter.)

That left just one man out on track, the devilish Doohan, looking to punish Rossi for nicking his mechanics (even though he’d retired and given them up so he could spend more time in strip clubs). He seemed to pull impossible speed out of his Twitbike and stormed across the line, head tucked under the monitor in his familiar style to snatch pole from Lorenzo, despite the latter’s vast Twitter experience. “It’s like he’s never been away!” remarked @suziperry breathlessly to @gemmett as the pair swooned outside Doohan’s garage.

So that’s it, the top three for the first ever TwitGP will be Doohan, @lorenzo99 and @nickyhayden69. With Rossi down in 10^th and Schwantz and Biaggi also way back the race could throw up some fantastic overtakes tomorrow.

As usual the final word must go to Lorenzo, who ACTUALLY tweeted “Yehaaaa!! Pay attention tomorrow Mick! ;)”

Be sure to tune in throughout the day tomorrow for all the pre-race build up and then the ACTUAL VIRTUAL RACE at 1800 BST.

TWITGP PRACTICE - REPORT

DOOHAN DEFIES BELIEF AS TWITGP GETS UNDERWAY AT TWITEGI

The first ever TwitGP practice in Twitegi today saw wildcard Mick Doohan come out on top, an incredible eleven years since he last rode a Grand Prix motorcycle in anger. The five-time World Champion looked as if he’d never been away as he easily adapted to the modern-day demands of a TwitGP bike and pipped experienced Tweeter Jorge Lorenzo into second place.

Under rainy skies over 5000 followers gathered to watch the historical session, introduced by @suziperry, and it was Barbera who appeared first, taking advantage of being the only man on track to get some coverage for the Yellow Pages. Meanwhile Biaggi, always stirring controversy, caused a rumpus in Twitlane when he flicked the birdie (the international sign of Twitter) at Rossi but then sensationally flipped his bike! Ooops.

By now most riders were gingerly tweeting round Twitegi as the rain had eased up, and a spine-tingling hush fell over the tweet stand as Doohan took to his bike and gave it full gas sideways out of Twitlane, (earning himself a fine in the process from Twitdirection).

Meanwhile the most experienced tweeter on the grid Lorenzo was on top of the time sheets, just ahead of Stoner and Rossi who were showing their lack of practice in the field of virtual racing. Suddenly word came in from reporter @gemmett that Melandri was down in Doohan Dip, his keyboard locked up on him as his crew desperately tried to Ctrl+Z to get him started again. Biaggi at this point was still in Twitlane, orchestrating his mechanics to airbrush his bald tyres.

Suddenly the ‘Thunder from Down-under’ Doohan charged round the track and went top by just one tenth of a second, leaving Lorenzo in 2nd , Stoner in 3rd, Hayden 4th and Rossi 5th. @Mattnroberts was on hand to witness the carnage out on track as Pedrosa wobbled off track at Lawson’s and crashed, a shaky start for the tiny tweeter.

The end of the session saw a flurry of personal bests from the main protagonists as Rossi went top momentarily before Doohan stole it back. A desperate last flurry of keyboard action from Stoner wasn’t enough either and then Lorenzo stormed down the straight, pinned to his PC but to no avail and Doohan celebrated his sensational return with a twheelie into Twitlane.

Qualifying will take place at 1800 UK time on Saturday - tune in to @TwitGP throughout the day for all the build-up.

COMPETITION WINNERS!

We had hundreds of ‘virtual quotes’ entered into our Rossi shirt competition, thanks guys! Unfortunately we couldn’t publish them all but here are the winners and runners up, as well as a few ‘highly commended.’ Congrats!

In first place, and the WINNER of an ACTUAL team shirt signed by Valentino Rossi and courtesy of the Fiat Yamaha Team, it’s…

@the_mcevoy LORENZO: “I am trying hard to remember it isn’t a real race. I broke three laptops in practice by sticking a flag through the screens!”

Well done, we love it! The two RUNNERS-UP will get their hands on a beautiful copy of Motocourse, courtesy of the lovely oil people at Fuchs-Silkolene (www.silkolene.com). Here they are…

@dunc_b – HAYDEN: “The Desmosekeyboard has a pretty savage return key. I keep sending premature tweets out of the corners.”

@TraceyMcGarvey – ROSSI: “I have terrible pre-race twitters, I hope there is no chattering between commas or running wide between parentheses.”

And here are a few more we thought worth sharing with you. Well done to all!

@katelynelders – LORENZO: “My bike is in safe mode to ensure I make it to the end without crashing.”

@racephoto – STONER: “Our wi-fi signal is inconsistent; we filed a protest against Simoncelli’s hair being used an interference device”

@dodgyempire – JB to VR: “Stop trying to email, TWITTER me!”

@ValentinoMossy – STONER: “I think we are going to suffer a bit with the electronics this weekend, the anti-spam control won’t let me take full control.”

@Stuhing – SUZUKI: “After poor Friday lap times, we’ve upgraded the package to 16gb of ram…air induction.”

@ChrisJonnum – BURGESS: “TwitGP is okay, but I miss the days before electronics took over racing.”

@madmark99 – ALEX BRIGGS TO VR: “Have you tried switching it off and on again?”

@twosheds46 – ROSSI: “For this weekend we need to sort out the electrics for sure. Popups are still a problem at the start.”

TwitGP PRESS CONFERENCE

Today is @TwitGP Press Conference day. Hosted by none other than @nickharrismedia, here are the quotes from the riders so far…

BIAGGI: “Please tell Doohan to stop GLARING at me”.

ROSSI: “Montezemelo says for sure I could do TwitF1 with Ferrari but I am very ‘appy with TwitGP, whatever the papers are saying this week!”

LORENZO: I just saw my Twitbike in my box, It looks so strange. So many electronics.. the engine is electric!!” > THE ONLY ACTUAL TwitGP quote, courtesy @lorenzo99 himself

SCHWANTZ: “Gee I wish we could turn all the electronics off. But then everyone would be looking at blank screens I guess.”

SPIES: “I've had to change my style completely from TwitWSBK...woah, hang on, check out Colin's screensaver...”

EDWARDS: “Check out these puppies I downloaded earlier...Oh, you said TWITS? My bad.”



PEDROSA: “Ohlins has given my bike lots of chatter. The last thing I need on top of that is a load of Twitter. I am not hopeful.”

DOOHAN: “I haven't come here to give you all a cute desktop picture opportunity. I'm here to WIN.”

DePUNIET: “un deux trois quatre cinq six sept tweet neuf dix. DE-DUM-TISH! Merci beaucoup, I'm here all wee

HAYDEN: “Hell I grew up on typewriters, I love to feel a keyboard move around underneath me. But we'll give it our best shot. Dude.”

KALLIO: “Sorry, how does this actually work again?

CAPIROSSI: “I'm not a fan of TwitGP's restrictions. Just 140 characters may save costs but does it improve the show?”

MELANDRI: "After several demoralising crashes I have no confidence, wish I'd stuck to a Mac." (RELAX, PC Fans, it's a JOKE!)

BAUTISTA: “I was good on a Twee50cc bike so I'm sure I'll be good on a TwitGP bike. Although really it depends what they type.”

SIMONCELLI: “I'm treating TwitGP just like every other time I ride a MotoGP bike, which is why I intend to disappoint everyone hugely"

ESPARGARO: “It's ...GARROW. Like barrow. How many more times?”

BARBERA: “We've lost our direction on the setting to be honest. Probably because we adjust the suspension by double-clicks at a time.”

DOVIZIOSO: “I'm not happy with the overall package HRC have given me. The monitor is too small and there aren't any speakers.”

STONER: “Sure I'm affected by a mystery virus but it's no use crying over spilt milk. I'll just take the next 3 races off. Bite me.”

AOYAMA: "We just don't know whether it will be the soft, medium or hard drive which will last the full race distance"

OUR FAVE @TWITGP PHOTOS & IMAGES

Here's a link to some of our favourite photos and images from @TwitGP

http://twitpic.com/photos/TwitGP

Rossi Shirt Competition!!!

Wednesday 21^st April, 2030 UK (BST)

Fiat Yamaha, seemingly the only ACTUAL team with an internet connection, have kindly donated a SIGNED ROSSI SHIRT as a #TwitGP competition prize!

Tomorrow is TwitGP Press Conference day. The Rossi team shirt will go to the follower who tweets the best VIRTUAL QUOTE from their favourite TwitGP rider.

We will reward CREATIVITY & WIT and they can be as nutty as you like. To clarify - the quotes, like everything on TwitGP, must be virtual - no need to send us stuff riders have ACTUALLY said. That would be boring. All quotes must fit in a single tweet!

2 runners-up willl get a copy of the beautiful Motocourse book, thanks to purveyors of fine oils Fuchs Silkolene.

Make sure you mark your entries #TwitGP, or we won't see them. Closing date Thursday, 2030 UK time (BST)

TwitGP Race Preview

TWITEGI PROMISES SCINTILLATING INAUGURAL TWITGP

The first ever TwitGP, to be run this weekend at the brand new Twitegi circuit in Japan, promises a mouth-watering match up between the top talent of today and some latter-day legends. In the absence of an Actual MotoGP race, the riders will be instead taking part in the Virtual TwitGP race and the world of Twitter is waiting with baited keyboards to see how the race plays out.

Heading the line-up is of course the nine-time World Champion, Fiat Yamaha rider Valentino Rossi: will his unstoppable talents on two wheels translate to the altogether different demands of TwitGP? Does he even own a computer? No one knows… Meanwhile his Yamaha team-mate Jorge Lorenzo, as the most prolific Tweeter in the paddock, is already being cited as an early race favourite.

Over at Ducati, Casey Stoner has been mysteriously quiet in the run-up but most think this is due to the poor broadband service in the Australian Outback. He is expected to move to a better-connected hub for the weekend’s proceedings. In the next-door garage however Nicky Hayden, another keen Twitterer, is fully expected to perform as well in the TwitGP as he did in the opening MotoGP in Qatar.

The Repsol Honda Team are busy building a modified Tweet-seat for Dani Pedrosa and the Spaniard is expected to be as quick off the keyboard as he is off the start line. Italian Andrea Dovizioso is keen to follow up his recent Actual Podium with a Virtual Podium at least and will be typing hard whilst continuing to wear his requisite silly hat.

New Boy Ben Spies and fellow Texan team-mate Colin Edwards have set-up a dedicated Tech 3 Tweet Deck, on the Actual Deck by Colin’s lake-side pool. Let’s hope they don’t get too distracted by the beers and barbecue.

Elsewhere, Melandri hopes he’ll finally find the set-up he needs online where he’s failed lately on-bike, Capirossi is enrolling in an ‘IT for Oldies’ class and Simoncelli is just relieved he doesn’t have to squeeze his hair under a helmet for once.

The biggest buzz of all however isn’t about all of them, it’s about the incredible wild card line-up that TwitGP has announced.

First off came word that the Roman Emperor himself, Max Biaggi, would be making a comeback to the paddock where he once tried to rule. It is not yet known whether he will try to spam Rossi in the Press Conference.

The next big name to join was none other than five-time world champion Mick Doohan, the dead-pan Australian coming out of retirement for an amazing match-up against the man who took over as reigning king of the sport, Valentino Rossi. Trouble lies ahead however as the pair share the same mechanics. There’s no word from JB yet but a ‘friend’ of the team claims that one mechanic is planning to work for both riders because there’s “more chance of a bonus that way.”

The final wild-card entrance is from ever-popular 1993 World Champion Kevin Schwantz and fans can’t wait to find out if his style on Twitter is as spectacular as it was on a bike. Also hailing from Houston, he’s expected to join Edwards’ Texan Barbecue but as a Suzuki rider he may have to tweet from the opposite side of the pool.

Having turned down the chance to join the wildcards after saying “Schumacher has proved there’s nothing to be gained by going back,” the legendary Giacomo Agostini has done an about-tweet and agreed to ride a parade lap of Twitegi. As a result circuit designer Tiff Needell has had to go away and find a corner of the track to name after the Italian lothario before he changes his mind again.

All of this and a virtual wheel is yet to turn! Tune in to @TwitGP for all the latest news and the pre-race excitement. Practice starts on Friday at 1800 BST.

TwitGP Press Release

@TwitGP

- the world’s first virtual Twitter sporting event.

This weekend’s Japanese MotoGP race has been cancelled due to flight restrictions caused by the Iceland volcano. @TwitGP realised this will leave a big hole in many fans’ lives – so thought it might be fun to hold a replacement virtual race exclusively on Twitter. All it needed was a virtual presenter and @suziperry, former BBC MotoGP host and keen Twitterer, was only too keen to help. An excited conference call with a mutual friend (@TwitGPpr, the championship’s Communications Director), confirmed a plan.

Within an hour of Suzi retweeting the account name @TwitGP, there were an amazing 500 followers. Within a couple of hours a keen follower had created a logo. Now, at just two days old, we’ve passed the 4,000 mark with followers from as far afield as Israel, New Zealand, Indonesia, the USA and Hong Kong. Many say they don’t even follow real MotoGP, but love #TwitGP.

Amongst the followers are the first lady of bike sport Suzi Perry, British superbands The Stereophonics and The Prodigy, celebrity bike fan Ross Noble, the actual MotoGP rider Jorge Lorenzo and 125 rider Bradley Smith, the Fiat Yamaha Team, Valentino Rossi’s mechanic Alex Briggs, BBC MotoGP reporter Matt Roberts and Eurosport MotoGP commentators Toby Moody and Julian Ryder. Motorcycle News’ Sport Editor Guy Procter has donated a photoshopped version of MCN Sport magazine to talk up #TwitGP and the Fiat Yamaha team have donated a signed Valentino Rossi team shirt as a competition prize to be given away later this week.

The celebrities have been getting into the spirit of the event with Ross Noble tweeting a picture of him stuck in a van whilst trying to reach the circuit and Fifth Gear presenter Tiff Needell designing the Twitegi Circuit.

Throughout the week @TwitGP will be updating its followers about how the virtual riders will virtually prepare for the race – there will be practice on Friday, qualifying on Saturday, then the main event on Sunday. It will all unfold before the followers’ eyes in sentences containing no more than 140 characters…

Fans are interacting in increasingly inventive ways, supplying virtual logos, passes, programmes and even VIP party tents.

This is being done entirely for fun – while a few people have asked if it’s “real”, the vast majority completely understand the concept and have thrown themselves into the spirit of things.

All sorts of surprises are planned as the week develops – we’ve already announced two wild card riders in the form of Max Biaggi and Mick Doohan, thus rewarding fans with a match up they never thought they’d, er, read.

GET YOUR PADDOCK & MEDIA PASSES HERE

Thanks to @madmark99 and @rabidrat for these!