Thursday, 19 August 2010

Goodie Grand Prix - Race Report

There's only ONE story worth reporting on in MotoGP at the moment - and that's the high jinks and hilarity surrounding @alex__briggs, the failed bus mechanic who now chews gum in Valentino Rossi's box, and his Twitter-based Goodie Grand Prix.

While the rest of the motorcycle press snoozes, they, er, loses, as it's TwitGP that has pieced the facts together to bring YOU the GoodieGP race report. Who cares about confirming if Dovi is going to Gresini? That's a waste of journalistic effort. THIS is what matters. Read on.

Stage 1 - @alex__briggs convinces a London newspaper vendor that the parcel he's handing over is, much to the vendor's presumed disappointment, not drugs. Instead it's the prize for anyone who manages to find the location and deliver him a password: the name of @alex__briggs' dog.

Stage 2 - Briggs tweets this picture clue with the rules of the game, and the race is on:

Hmm, now where could that be?

Stage 3 - "alex briggs dog" becomes the most searched for term in Google history, beating even "Paris Hilton sex tape". Billions of people discover the answer is NELSON.

Stage 4 - close shave at the newspaper vendor as Mr Mandela introduces himself in a typically friendly fashion before asking for an Evening Standard, 20 Marlboro Light, and directions to that big column in Trafalgar Square.

Stage 5 - Various followers start to mobilise. Amongst them is Paul Phillips, whose real name is @paul_p_73, a self-styled "aeronautical engineer turned builder". He fires up his Transit van, takes on the morning rush hour congestion, and heads for the prize. He's in South London, about 10 miles away.

Stage 6 - DISASTER! Paul breaks down on Albert Bridge, and has to PUSH the van off the bridge ON HIS OWN! Finding himself stuck on a "no stopping" Red Route, he has to flag down a passer-by for help pushing it into a RESIDENTS ONLY parking bay. But he's not giving up...

Paul's ACTUAL broken down Transit

Stage 7 - Paul now RUNS 2 MILES to Sloane Square Station, hoping to beat all others to the shirt....AND HE DOES! As Paul said: "the guy at newsagents must have thought I was mad, as I couldn't even speak from the running!"

Excellent pic proving he won, with all the ingredients included. Full marks.

Stage 8 - Man at newsagents thinks "this will make a GREAT chapter in my memoirs. Except nobody will EVER believe it."

Stage 9 - But the story isn't over. Paul gets back to the van and calls the RAC to rescue him (other breakdown services are available). While waiting for help to arrive...TRAGEDY STRIKES! He gets an £80 fine for being in a resident's bay! AGH!

Stage 10 - And the story still isn't over - when the RAC man arrives he offers £100 for the shirt! NO DEAL!

Stage 11 - OK, now the story is over. Basically amazing.

So THAT'S what a former aeronautical engineer looks like
On a serious point, this whole episode is another BRILLIANT example of how Twitter has made this season's MotoGP season more interesting than ever before. Hell, we don't even need a bloody race to be taking place. @alex__briggs, on behalf of a grateful planet, we salute your efforts. 

On a less serious note, if you want to speak to Paul, he'll be found passing himself off as a mechanic at Indianapolis for the whole of next week.Good work, fella.

STOP PRESS: Spare a thought for @guernseylee, based 17 miles away in Dartford, who walked to the train station, invested £17 in a peak time return train ticket, made two Tube changes, and got there two minutes too late. That's racing...


  1. Absolutely bloody superb. Alex Briggs is a top bloke! Pity he left the buses, got to be more exciting than MotoGP :-( Still, at least he gets a front row seat to Skittles (aka Moto2) :-)

  2. Brilliant - this is WAY better than most races have been this season. If Alex ever decides to stop being a mechanic, he's definitely got a future as - err, something else!

  3. well im not going on holiday again. how could i have mised out on a race like that?? so who is this Alex briggs then? is he importent

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  5. He is one of Rossi's mechanics. Been with him since he started at Honda.

  6. Hilarious, go alex, wish i raced in london to get the t-shirt, not that i would ever wear it, i would have sold it for 100 pounds for sure...scrap

  7. 2 of Briggsy best followers missed out on the comp in Aus. His punishment shall be we will follow him on twitter forever, lol.