Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Those MotoGP Confessions in Full...

Even though the paint was barely dry, TwitGP flung open the doors of its newly built CONFESSION BOX tonight and welcomed followers to OWN UP to all their motorcycle-related embarrassments, mistakes and howlers that have plagued the mind and prevented sound sleep.

We were looking neither to condemn nor jeer – instead this was a cathartic exercise designed to exorcise demons.

In truth, we hoped all hopes that the TwitGP followers would have very little to say on this matter, given their expert and knowledgeable standing.

They had other ideas. 

Here, starting with with our favourite, are TwitGP's Top 11 MotoGP Confessions...

Come in, @Jasmins84. Tell us your confession.
“I've chosen MotoGP over sex before.”
“He felt bad. I didn't.”
Obviously, at this stage we felt pressed to find out from this Ice Maiden which race she was referring to, purely for research purposes.
“Last year. Spain. When Rossi beat Lorenzo by a hair. Worth it!”
A very different sort of climax to the one that had been originally offered, and no mess afterwards. Result.

Hello, @amit_mandalia. What's on your mind?
“I used to think Rossi & Capirossi were related & his full name was Capi Rossi.”
Vale and his brother Capi? An easy mistake to make, so simply remember this rule of thumb in future: one is a nine-times world champion, the other isn't.

Here's a familiar face...why, it's @ellen_briggs.
“One of my kids put a plastic spoon end in the ignition of Nicky Hayden's scooter and snapped it off so he couldn't get the key in.”
Doesn't sound that big a deal really.
“He got stuck there and was mobbed by fans for over an hour.”
Ah, oops. Hope Nicky wasn't mad at your kid.
“To this day he thinks Mick Doohan did it.”
Ha! Like Doohan is some kind of notorious toy cutlery criminal. Who knew? Amazing.

Sit down, @SeannyDMode. Speak.
“I once followed The Doctor through downtown Indianapolis for about 10 min. I felt like a creeper.”
Come on, you're not a creeper. Don't be hard on yourself.
“He was driving a bright yellow jeep. On his way to dinner at a fancy steak house.”

This came via @nayby69, who confessed:
“I lovingly made a sign from beer cartons for Rossi...”
Hmm, sounds OK so far....
“...using the number 45”.

Here's a handsome looking chap, @k2kyle, speak your sin...
“I once DROVE to the '07 Donington GP...”
Well, that's not so bad, not all of us have bikes.
“...whilst my fiancĂ©e RODE there”.
At this stage we guarantee EVERY male follower is thinking “I bet she's hot too”.
“She also took said bike from Derby to the Valencia GP that same year! I proposed to her before she took her leathers off!”
@k2kyle, perhaps wisely, didn't expand on what happened when she finally DID take her leathers off. But you have to agree, he has got hitched to the ULTIMATE GIRLFRIEND.

Ms @wendyjohnston, how can we be of service?
“On my bike test I tried to reverse the bike by turning throttle the other way and snapped it and had to wheel the bike back in disgrace!”
And you wonder why there aren't more British riders in MotoGP?
“The guy didn't mind until I did it AGAIN on second bike test. Passed 3rd time tho!!”
Atta girl! 

Yes @Khaph, what is it?
“My cousin...”
Yeah right, “your cousin”, course it is...
“...when watching a race asked 'why do they lean when going round corners? Don't their handlebars work?”
Tell your “cousin” to stick to the day job...

Come on @jonny748, you look like a man of the world, spill.
“I was hitting on this amazingly hot girl at a bar at the Malaysian GP. I was sure I would succeed...”
Bet her husband turned up.
“...until her husband John Hopkins turned up.”
This inspires a whole new category, Have You Ever Had a Fling With a MotoGP Wag? We know of at least ONE civilian who could enter that...

@MotoGPNewsBlog, we believe you want to confess to an ACTUAL CRIME?
“I ran out onto the track after Pol won his first ever GP. 8 Indiana State Troopers with guns drawn.”
Blimey. You must be talking about Indianapolis 2009. You were THAT happy that Spaniard Pol Espargaro had won a 125cc race you ran on the track? That is unbelievable levels of fandom. What did the friendly, welcoming police say while they were protecting and serving?
"Stop right there, put your hands where I can see them".
Yeah, dangerous things airhorns. Was it OK in the end?
“Only bad part is I had to miss the 250 GP while I was being interrogated.”
Interrogated?! It was a motorbike race! Thank god they've shut down Guantanamo.

Dear, dear @billyrobson, window cleaner to the stars. Tell us your confession.
“At Donington one year somebody had burnt all the bogs on the campsite!”
Welcome to England, everyone.
“So I went for a shit in the small woods near campsite.”
And welcome to England once again. Shortly after this incident Silverstone unsurprisingly won the contract for the British GP. And of course, Billy has started a whole new category, Have You Ever Defecated on a Track? 

But that's for another day. After a very successful first day's trading, the TwitGP Confession Box is now closed for business. 


  1. Top stuff again guys! Why didn't you get me to do you a quote on the confessional box, could have done you a right deal!!


  2. can't help but think the hot bike riding chick in confession #6 could do better for herself than a car driving wimp

  3. In response to the 'car driving wimp' comment:

    I had just sold my Gixer750 that I was unable to ride due to severe back pain caused by an incident in Afghanistan.

    Sorry to be such a wimp, I will sell my MV F4 immediately.