Thursday, 5 August 2010

All You Need To Know About Elena Myers (Who???)

Did you hear this business about the Suzuki team offering a ride on their MotoGP bike to Elena Myers...who is 16 YEARS OLD...and wait for it...A GIRL?

This is what she looks like when she's blipping the throttle of a GSV-R in front of a not entirely convinced mechanic:

"Shouldn't you be watching Twilight, sweetheart?"
Obviously when this news broke TwitGP immediately rolled up its sleeves in preparation to unleash hell, and then poke fun. It was the perfect opportunity for the third in our occassional series "Learn To Speak Japanese with Paul Denning", e.g. 'geisha: a young woman skilled at various tasks, employed by older men as sponsor-fodder to divert attention away from godawful seasons'.

Then we did something called "research", which took ages and was really boring (you can see why so many websites prefer to copy and paste instead, then just put licky licky "according to the trusted and respected xyz blah blah blah snivel" to cover their backs). However, it enabled us to create this handy list of things you need to know about Elena Myers, should she ever crop up in conversation while out drinking with friends:

1) She can get her knee down.

2) She is hard as nails. With an injured foot pumped full of cortisone, earlier this year she became the first female to win a proper grown up AMA race. (GSXR600, AMA Pro Racing)

3) This 16 year old girl is both taller and heavier than Dani Pedrosa. (Dani, seriously, man up.)

4) She is, as they say in America, a straight A stoodent.

5) If we ran a Moto2 team, we'd give her a job 'cos she seems cool (and would guarantee loads of coverage for our sponsors, who would then, out of sheer gratitude, festoon us with money beyond the dreams of avarice.)

Of course, none of this excuses the ridiculous sentiment put out by her management referencing that first victory:

"Elena Myers proved that dreams can come true. And the ride is just beginning." 

DEEPLY creepy.

It looks like she'll have a burn round Valencia at the end of the season, and we wish her the best of luck. She'll do absolutely fine of course, because Suzuki will have run out of engines again by then so they'll just end up pushing her round.


  1. She seemed stoked to have a chance to "wobble round Valencia" on the GSV-R.

    Where as dull-as-a-rock Danica Patrick was too scared to get into the Honda RA10* for a spin.

  2. Or she will turn the quick action throttle by one quarter and manage to select second gear before she launches herself into the expansive gravel trap on the outside of turn one! In front of everyone. The most TV Suzuki will have had all season :)

  3. It'll never catch on, I mean, motorcycles?Racing? Never!!

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. good luck to her, there are (& have been) a few female racers over the years, even making it to the world series (google Katja Poensgen)

    there's no reason why not, Dani Pedrosa proves you dont have to be big, tall & manly (sorry Dani) to win motogp races (in Dani's defence i'm assuming he can grow a better beard than Elena)

    Not sure that domestic 600 racing is the best route into motogp, she should condiser 125 first maybe?


  6. Great news for all young riders, but lets face it, this is now not new.

    I posted this on the 31st of July guys.

    " Wiggysan Whilst everybody watchs #WSB, did we all miss this ? Please RT if you want. "

    12:21 PM Jul 31st via web

    Always good to promote young riders, so a big thumbs up to TwitGP from me !

  7. Erm, did this actually happen?

    Or did she decide against it, on the basis that her GSXR was probably quicker anyway...