TWITGP QUALIFYING - REPORT

DOOHAN DAZZLES IN TWITEGI QUALIFYING

Mick Doohan continued his earth-shattering form in Twitegi today, grabbing pole position for the first ever TwitGP. The resurgent Australian proved that, contrary to what Schumacher would have us believe, it is possible to retire and come back to the top when beating championship Tweeter Jorge Lorenzo into second, with Nicky Hayden third.

On a dark day in Twitegi @suziperry greeted the 5,500 followers and it was Spies, spray flying from his keyboard, who looked the most serious at the start as he hammered his Tech Twee bike around the stunning virtual track, with team-mate Colin "Colin" Edwards in hot pursuit. Then the usual sea of crazy yellow people waving like an oil-seed rape field in the wind greeted Rossi as he exited Twitlane, tugging his leathers as ever to give himself a bit more space around Little Valentino. They weren’t disappointed as the effervescent Italian tweeted straight into P1, leaving TwitGP deafened by a barrage of virtual airhorns.

Meanwhile Spies had run into engine trouble and stopped, a worrying time for his mechanics since only six search engines are allowed for the entire season. By now it was raining hard and it looked like the riders with early banker laps had made a good call. Slick surface specialist Schwantz was pushing on regardless through the rain, a generous Suzuki brolly dolly holding an umbrella over his keyboard, but a second later he slightly clicked the white line and went flying off at the downhill Criville section, emerging from the gravel trap covered in spam. At Dr Costa's coffee shop it later transpired he has aggravated an old wrist injury and is a doubt for tomorrow's race.

Suddenly the sun came out, a dry line appeared and the sticky mousemats went in, as the session went hurtling towards a thrilling climax. @Lorenzo99 stormed around the track and shunted his team-mate out of the top spot, setting an outright laptop record in the process. @NickyHayden69 then looked to be going one better but he ran into major problems downloading the last part of the lap and couldn’t quite catch Lorenzo.

TwitGP then ran into its first technical trauma as the timing screens went down just as Rossi was on a hot tweet, but housewife’s favourite @mattnroberts was on hand to fill us in as amazingly Rossi could only manage tenth, his Yamaha just lacking enough processor speed down the long Twit Straight to make it onto the front row. (Or the second or third rows, for that matter.)

That left just one man out on track, the devilish Doohan, looking to punish Rossi for nicking his mechanics (even though he’d retired and given them up so he could spend more time in strip clubs). He seemed to pull impossible speed out of his Twitbike and stormed across the line, head tucked under the monitor in his familiar style to snatch pole from Lorenzo, despite the latter’s vast Twitter experience. “It’s like he’s never been away!” remarked @suziperry breathlessly to @gemmett as the pair swooned outside Doohan’s garage.

So that’s it, the top three for the first ever TwitGP will be Doohan, @lorenzo99 and @nickyhayden69. With Rossi down in 10^th and Schwantz and Biaggi also way back the race could throw up some fantastic overtakes tomorrow.

As usual the final word must go to Lorenzo, who ACTUALLY tweeted “Yehaaaa!! Pay attention tomorrow Mick! ;)”

Be sure to tune in throughout the day tomorrow for all the pre-race build up and then the ACTUAL VIRTUAL RACE at 1800 BST.